Insensibility
by october31st1981
Summary: In which James Potter is the right kind of stupid.


She was sitting in the common room by the fire. James wasn't sure why he'd come down anyway. He couldn't sleep, but that wasn't uncommon. He supposed he'd just wanted to stretch his legs. Whatever the reason, he'd ended up in the common room in the middle of the night and certainly wasn't expecting company. His heart gave an unpleasant stutter when he saw the shock of red hair that belonged to Lily Evans peeking out over the back of the sofa.

He sat tentatively on the opposite end of the sofa. "Couldn't sleep either?" he asked quietly, hoping not to startle her.

It seemed she was surprised by his presence anyway. Wide green eyes turned to stare at him. "Potter? Yes, I suppose I couldn't." She did not seem irritated by his presence, but her posture was stiffer than before.

This was a better response than James had hoped for, considering the animosity between himself and her friend, Severus Snape. The hatred between the boys had prevented Lily and James from forming any sort of friendship. It was a pity, for James rather enjoyed her company. He reckoned she thought him to be a bit of a tosser. She probably wasn't half-wrong.

"We have an OWL tomorrow," James said, and wanted to hit himself. Of course she knew they had an exam the next morning. She had started studying far before any of the other students in their year. He had noticed in his many trips to the library that year (though his purpose there had been far less academic).

These words seemed to make Lily deflate. Immediately, James wanted to take them back, though he wasn't sure what had been wrong with them in the first place. "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"It's nothing you've said, Potter. It's my own problem, really." she said. He was glad she cut him off, for he wasn't sure what the rest of the apology would have been.

"Are you worried about the Defence OWL?" he asked, running a hand through his hair.

"Sort of," she allowed. A crease appeared between her brows. Her teeth sank into her lower lip and James felt the insane urge to leap over to her side of the sofa and give her a hug.

He fidgeted with his hands to keep himself from doing this. "You'll be fine, Evans." James told her sincerely. "You're brilliant. If you don't get an Outstanding, what chance do the rest of us have?" He offered her a smile.

To his surprise, she smiled back. "Thank you." said Lily softly. "But I'm not worried about that. I'm sure I've studied enough to do alright. I just wonder if… it won't matter."

Her voice had lowered so much that he had to move a little closer to hear her better. "What d'you mean? I mean, I suppose in the long term it's just an exam, but Defence is really important right now, with what's going on out there." He inclined his head towards the window, as if the danger to which he referred would be lurking outside Gryffindor tower on a broomstick.

Lily looked towards the window as well. He wondered if the same things were running through her mind. The posters of missing Muggle children, the letters from the Ministry with black seals that arrived more and more often, the whispers of names that no one wanted to speak.

She came back to the present, green eyes meeting hazel once more. "Not the subject itself. I just don't know if it will matter how well I do on my exams. I'm Muggle-born, remember?"

James frowned. "What does that have to do with anything?" He was well aware of her blood status. He was terrified for her and every other Muggle-born in their school. They were being targeted both at school and in their own communities. He did what he could to stop people form using slurs or attacking Muggle-borns at Hogwarts, but there was nothing he could do to protect anyone when they were scattered across the country on holiday. He couldn't even do magic outside of school.

Lily laughed humourlessly. "I suppose it's easy enough to forget, when it doesn't affect you." She seemed to struggle very hard with her next words. "I-It's likely I won't be able to get a job after Hogwarts, even if I get all O's on my OWLs and NEWTs. People don't want to sully their establishments by hiring girls with dirty blood."

"That can't be true," said James, but even he didn't believe himself.

She tucked her legs underneath her, looking smaller than he'd ever seen before. "Do you know how many jobs Mary's sister has been rejected from this year? Seven. All _after_ finding out she was a Muggle-born. And _she_ was head girl." Pieces of her hair fell into her face. She didn't bother to brush them away.

Something in his chest was hurting very badly, staring at her as he was. "Not everyone thinks that way."

"Enough do. Even the ones that don't are too scared to openly aid Muggle-borns." Lily smiled sadly, looking at the fire. "I suppose you'd have to be very stupid to want to do that in times like these."

He couldn't stop himself any longer. He moved so that he was sitting right beside her and pulled her chin lightly so that she stared right into his eyes. "What happened to Mary's sister- that won't happen to you, Evans. I'm going to fight so things like that don't happen to anyone. The boys are too. We'll make sure Muggle-borns are given the rights they deserve." he said with determination. He tried to convey his sincerity through his look before releasing her.

She shook her head at him. "You're just one person, Potter. You can't change the world."

"I can sure as hell try."

She placed her hand hesitantly on his cheek. He felt all the heat in his body rush to that one spot. "You're an idiot." she said, not unkindly.

James was ready to protest right away. "I don't think it's idiotic to think that we can win this war. If everyone fights, we can make sure that no one pays attention to this blood status rot anymore and you and Mary and her sister will be able to-" James was cut off by lips pressing against the cheek not already burning with her touch. He wondered if his face might actually burst into flames if she kept at this.

Lily pulled away, looking just as surprised as he was. She stood up, and touched his shoulder briefly. "You're an idiot, Potter." she repeated, looking at him in a way that made his heart beat faster. "But not a bad sort."


End file.
